Wednesday, March 30, 2011


So I thought I had the night off. I'd cleared Master's table and had done the homework he'd assigned (I got a 43 on the last math test! Math is too hard!), so thought I might be able to watch tv, when he said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news, sweetie..."

Silly Master had tried to help organize my stuff, but had knocked over one of my jewelry boxes, and all my necklaces got intertwined mixed up! So instead I had to sit there on the floor with Master's boring news programs on as I tried to pull them all apart with my long nails!

It's so hard being a girl!

Monday, March 28, 2011


I have a confession. I no longer go to bed alone. Some time ago, I described the bedtime routine on my girlie nights. But that's changed, in a big way. I share the bed, but perhaps not how you'd think.

As mentioned earlier, Master is a big fan of what he calls "subtle bondage". The idea is that I'm restricted in some way not immediately obvious. For example, I might be tied into gloves glued to the handlebars of a bicycle. I look as if I'm riding the bike voluntarily when I'm actually helpless. I'm on display, but everybody thinks it's my choice.

Well, turns out that Master tracked down a common fund raising option: teddies dressed in the cheerleading uniforms of the local high school. He purchased one for me, and made a couple modifications -- some smaller loops sewn onto its back, with tensile fishing wire trailing off.

So everynight, once my hair is brushed and I'm in my pjs, hosed down with cotton candy perfume, I go to Master. I hug Spirit tight to my chest, arms passing through the loops, and wrists tied to the fishing wire. I can't let go of Spirit, I love her so much! She's so cute! Down comes the sleeping mask over my eyes, and I'm adorable and helpless until Master sees me in the morning.

It's seriously messing with my dreams.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Night walk

I should have known better. Actually, by now I'm figuring out some of Master's tricks.

So when I paint on my toenails and fingernails a very pale pink polish with the label removed, I know something's going on. Sure it's barely visible, and night is falling as I paint them on, but something's up. Especially when I'm dressed in my male gym shorts, tshirt, and sandals...and blindfold. And dropped off to run an errand three blocks up a street with quite a few pedestrians.

Was I humiliated by it? Yes. But surprised that I was wearing glow-in-the-dark nail polish? At this point, not at all...

PS: Only one idea for rivalry weekend? I'm so, so disappointed. Apparently no love for the Yankees. Come on, set me up, I dare you!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Prom tryon ideas

Following up on the previous post, I've decided I'd love the experience of going into a teen boutique and trying on a dress or three. I'm not sure how to go about it -- send an email claiming I've lost a bet? A scavenger hunt? How much is too much?

Ideas, dear readers?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Rivalry weekend

I'm a loyal girl. Growing up in New England, I believe in my airheaded way that the Red Sox are going to win every game ever. Including especially against the New York Yankees. This is our year!

I hereby predict they will go 3 for 3 on April 8-10 against New York.

What if they don't? This is where you come in.

If you'd like, make your own prediction in the comments, make your own prediction. Include a dare in line with what I've described in my blog, that can be proved photographically that I completed. Mild public or chance of public is okay, but please don't expect me to go into a crowded bar on a Saturday night. We can negotiate what outfit you'd like me in, once we have a winner so I can most closely hew to what you want. If more than one person picks the same number of Yankee wins, maybe I'll do both dares, or have a vote on which I should have to do. Sound like fun? If you want to play, leave a comment here before the games start.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


One...convenient thing about the aggressive marketing of my current crush is that there's no lack of memorabilia available of a certain Canadian "singer". So much that my current mission is to purchase seven different shirts featuring him -- each in a different color.

I'm most of the way there, but does anyone here know where I can find a red Bieber shirt?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Think it over

I'm so exhausted.

I don't know from where or when, but Master somehow procured a "Baby Think-it-Over", a creepy baby simulator designed to make girls like me hate the idea of having to ever raise a child. The machines cry at all sorts of awkward hours, and can only be calmed by inserting a special key in its back for like ever.

Three times last night I had to walk up. The stupid thing checks if you didn't run to it right away or were too rough with it. I just hope Master can't read all the stuff that the machine records!

Friday, March 11, 2011


So two weeks ago I went to some mysterious appointment. Some odd things were done to me, but as I was blindfolded I never really found out what. Could you guess what it was? I found out today.

Master returned from the mail with a small box and a big smile. "They're here! Finally! They better fit, too -- I paid so much for them!"

I still had no idea...until he took out a small plastic case, and opened it. Inside was something I hadn't seen for over a decade. Retainers. Dr. Jekyll was apparently an orthodontist with an odd idea about how to make money on the side. And yes, they fit perfectly. And they're on all day.

Now anytime I'm around Master, even when I'm chewing gum -- which is like always -- I have these retainers in, giving me the slightest lisp. And he already has dozens of pictures of my new shiny smile.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Something new for my collection today. Master recently noted that for all I care about certain things in life, there isn't much to show for it -- to physically see. Of course, I could only agree.

So what do I find in my room today? A small trophy that reads "Ashlee Harper - Most Spirit. 'Cats Cheer 2011". Now I'm told to come up with three more things that a girl like me could receive and award for. Any suggestions?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Bottle practice

I still don't know when it will come. At a party. On a date. Playing a game.

My first kiss that is.

But there are things I do to practice. Oh, yes. My lips have a semi-constant sheen of bubble-gum lip gloss, per Master's orders. Many times I've been made to kiss posters or cutouts of celebrity crushes. I will be ready for my first kiss.

And now I'm practicing to make sure I kiss the right one. Spin the bottle practice.

Master got this from some tv show he had me watching, and it amuses him to no end. A series of some seven stuffed animals is placed in a circle around me. My "target" wears a Yankees cap -- a touch Master loves, knowing that I'm a Red Sox fan. And I take my glass Coke bottle and practice. A given session continues until I get the "right" answer 20 times. At the beginning, that was an hour of kneeling and spinning.

The depressing thing? I'm getting good at it...only took 35 tries today.