Monday, May 23, 2011

Summer legs

I'm not talking about shaving. As a man, summer is easy enough -- you put on a pair of sandals.

But that's not good for Master. First off, all I wear at this point are flip flops, which make an annoying slapping/scuffling sound when I'm in a hurry and constantly flop around. Then there's the nail polish on my toesies that can't clash with anything else I have on. And the two anklets that I wear. And at least one toe ring. Dressing up below my knees is more of a chore now than during the winter, and feels so odd. Another reminder of who I truly am.

Friday, May 20, 2011

In My Head, Part I

A set-up for a possible serial. But I need your comments and thought before I know whether it's worth continuing. Inspiration from Arthur C. Clarke's "The Parasite"

In My Head

The first time I noticed...it...was an all-nighter before my advanced calculus final. The first of it, or them. I knew there was something in my head. I mean, I could see it, but I couldn't make it go away, not like when you imagine a hot girl and then erase the image when your girlfriend looks at you the wrong way. It looked like somebody who'd never seen a human trying to make one. It was all close but still...wrong. The eyes were too far apart, the lips too thin, the hair too fine. It just seemed to settle into my mind, and soon made some chuffing sounds, like nothing I'd ever heard. It seemed to sit between my ears, a little blurry, but there. And the sounds, like a small rodent, but I somehow knew it was laughter. I could barely continue with my reading on reflective accumulating derivative functions and I probably would have gone crazy right there had I not fallen asleep, drooling over my textbook. When I awoke it was gone. If I didn't know better I'd swear that it was just a combination of lack of sleep and excess of pizza.

The second time happened two days later. Except now there were two of them in my head. The one of the right was the same (I don't know how I knew) and the second, smaller and thinner. A sidekick, and that's what I came to think of it -- as Sidekick. They were communicating with each other, sitting there in my head as I ran on the treadmill. That's when the first one communicated to me.

-Primitive creature, how are you designated?-

I couldn't tell you what it's voice sounded like, or even what language it spoke. Its words just surfaced in my mind like the design in a magic 8-ball. I couldn't see the words like I could see them, but I knew it had transmitted meaning. I frowned, and turned up the speed on the treadmill.

-Respond primitive creature, how are you designated?-

Sweating like mad, I turned the speed up more. I was going crazy. That's when my right foot of its own volition my left, and I went flying off the treadmill and skinning my knee. "Damn it!" Thankfully I was alone in the basement...my two sisters and parents had left.

-I see. Well, Dammit, you intrigue us. You are primitive but amusing. Your attempts at math are also charming. Are there more of you, Dammit?-

The creatures conferred, and then I felt the most invaded I could ever imagine...I could feel them going through my mind, browsing it the way a fat housewife paws through old vinyl records at a yard sale. They must have found much amusing as they made the chuffing sound repeatedly.

-Your broods stay together for much time. How primitive. And you seem to dislike your broodmates intensely.- This from Sidekick.

-Broodmates? Oh, you mean my younger sisters? They're okay, they're just...you know, stupid little teenagers.-

There was more chuffing and conferring before the skinnier one said -We never know our broodmates. I would like to learn more of yours and understand how this primitive arrangement lasts. Enter her abode. The older one.-

Knowing the family was away for a few days, it wouldn't be much of a problem to go upstairs. As curious about them as they were of me, I went upstairs, entering Marcee's room. It was typical for a thirteen-year old girl. Giant pop star posters everywhere, clothing strewn on the floor, an abundance of pink, a shelf with medals and cheap trophies from cheerleading. I looked around...

-Stop. What are those vials of liquid?-

Vials of li- oh. Marcee has a significant nail polish collection, all shades of purple through light pink, and

-Oh, it is for decorating keratin. Do so, please?-

Put on nail polish? I'd be damned if I was going to...

Just then, I fell down. I mean, my feet and knees stopped working. I couldn't move below the waist.

-I requested you to use this 'nail polish'. Please do not make me interfere with your primitive nervous system again. I do not want to do damage accidentally.-

These psycho head creatures! They'd probably paralyze me! Well, no harm, right? I suppose...I mean, not as if I were expected anywhere here. If it would make them go away. The thought of having pink nail polish on my fingers and toes didn't excite me, but I looked over her collection carefully. There it was..I plucked one small bottle out of pure black polish. She'd worn it on Halloween when

-Halloween? Your day of costuming and pretension? I would like to see your broodmate's costume of the day. Wear it. Do not refuse.-

I wasn't sure whether the creatures invading my head were curious or perverted, but as best I could I made clear that the whole costume was complex and difficult to find. Sure, I could fit into her schoolgirl/witch outfit, but where would I even find the undergar-

-You were instructed to wear your brood, er, sister's costume. What you can only perceive as time does not exist for us. We can 'wait'. Assemble and wear it. With the 'nail polish'-

An hour later I had two reasons for disbelief.

One was that aliens had announced themselves to humanity. Not by landing in Central Park, or broadcasting on our televisions. Aliens had come into my head, and they were not interested in making peace, inviting us into the galactic community, or even invading. They wanted to see my sister's Halloween costume.

The other thing I couldn't believe is how I looked in it. The top hugged me, leaving a bit of midriff. The stupid little hat perched on my head, and the kneehighs and skirt combined to make my legs seem slim. I just can't imagine how this must have made her feel walking down the street in this.

I couldn't believe it, staring into the mirror. No wonder the few girls in the freshmen calc seminar don't seem to notice me. No wonder I'm one of the few guys in the dorm not to have any prospects. I look more like the girls than I look good to them. It was humiliating to see myself -- and what if someone else did.

That's when I noticed a low humming sound inside my head. Sidekick asked -this feeling of yours, what do you call it?- Embarrassment? Nervousness? Humiliation?

-This 'humiliation' satisfies us. We seek more. Breaking the roles of your station seem to cause this 'humiliation'. You will continue to do this.- They conferred, going over what they'd learned.

-You will walk outside in this clothing to experience more humiliation.-

Monday, May 16, 2011

Vacation

It seems that my imagination has taken a vacation. Plus, how much can one go over the same thing? An embarrassing trip to Taco Bell for Cinco de Mayo, is that worth writing up? Nothing comes to mind for serial fiction, and what there is going into a great roleplay at Rachel's Haven that is dribbling out as a serial story at Fictionmania.

My imagination has taken a vacation. Inspiration welcome.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Phone time

My girl voice isn't bad. Not awesome, but with loads of practice I have a breathy, soft tone. It's more believable with girlish pop in the background, punctuated by snapping gum.

So Master has decided I need to spend more time on the phone, befitting a girl like me. Well, who to call? The occasional call to order a pizza or what have you has entertained Master a bit, but the newest thing is far worse. I"m given a list of numbers, and a script. I'll give you a small sample:

-Is Erin there?
(There will be choices based on the responses...I'll give an example)
:Speaking
-Hi Erin, it's Ashlee. This is like majorly important did you tell Erik I like him?
:I'm sorry I don't understand what you're talking about...
-Erik, the hottie with that smile in English class? You sit next to him, retard!
:I think you have the wrong number...
-Omigod is this Erin Patton?
:No actually
-Omigod I'm dying this is so embarrassing bye.

Somehow, there's always an Erin at these numbers, so I can't just hang up. The worst time? I had to leave a humiliating message...and the owner actually called back to say I had the wrong number!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Signage

So Master has a new hobby that makes him chuckle. I get dressed up as cute as I can, as fully Ashlee as I can -- which isn't too bad. He poses me, has me smile...and then hands me a piece of paper to hold up while he photographs me. He then takes the paper, and I never know what's on it.

I mean, really, what's the deal? It's not as if I'm not already in humiliating tops...I own tops that read the most feminine and embarrassing things across the chest, everything from "I love boys" to "I got an A+ in shopping" to "Very kissable". What could be written on these signs that could be worse?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Eek!

It was a set-up I tell you. I sit down to eat lunch with Master, and I see something small and brown on the floor near the leg of my chair. I nudge it with my flip-flop, and it rolls over...it's a little taxidermy stuffed mouse. I frown, and continue eating.

What I should have done, obviously, is jumped up screaming. And because I didn't do that, I had to undergo a consequence. Which may I explain why I had to dress up in a Minnie Mouse costume and purchase a block of cheese at a supermarket last night.

Now I'm very jumpy for lots of reasons....

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Headgear

Master likes, oddly enough, to keep me in girlish headgear. Sure, much of the time I simply have one or two ponytails going, but he also likes me to experience the full range of girlish things, so has added a few things.

Sometimes I wear girlish "trucker caps" like Ed Hardy ones, covered in rhinestones and bright colors. Other times, Minnie Mouse ears. I own a cap that reads "I <3 2 Cheer!" And naturally I had on a pair of bunny ears for Easter.

But, as longtime readers may expect, he also likes balloon hats. The embarrassment of having to ask for one, then wearing it. A couple recent times, he's had me wear a balloon hat, with pins taped to certain pats, or even suspended by strings. This makes me jumpy, moving around, given how I'm expected to scream should one part of it suddenly pop. The combination of such a girlish reaction, and my tension about it happening is adorable, I'm told...

What other headgear does a girl like me often end up wearing?