Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Stupid store

If you're gonna advertise a shirt, why don't you stock it??? Three Forever21s and I couldn't find that adorable "allergic to algebra" shirt. But there were some cute tops to be found...I photographed my haul below...
I got some tights and other cute things, but I love those tops. All true!! I wonder where Master will have me wear them (hopefully inside only!).

PS: Master thinks I should come out with a whole line -- "allergic to algebra", "baffled by biology", "confused by calculus", etc.

Monday, August 29, 2011

So going shopping!

I luv back 2 skool! All the cutest stuff comes out and I am so hitting the mall tomorrow.

How can you not love a top that says "love boys" or "allergic to algebra" or "find boys immediately"? SO excited!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Summer whatting?

Taking a quick break here. About an hour ago, Master came in with a sheaf of paper, pens, and a book. "Well, time to get started!"

"Get started with what?"

"With what? Tomorrow's the first day of school, and no surprise, you left your summer reading project for the very last day. Too busy tanning and texting, no doubt. By 6am tomorrow, I expect you to have this book read, and this project done."

The project was a 500-word paper on characterization, and the book a 250-pager. I could do it, but it would take me a bit of time. The intent was clear -- to make me pull an all-nighter.

"But I thought you didn't want me to try too hard in school..."

Master smiled and shook his head. "I don't expect you to do well, but this is a new year princess. And you want to start it right. Let's face it, there aren't any cute boys around so this is your best chance to get a good grade in school without being distracted."

So I'm sitting here in my little cheer shorts and VS PINK sweatshirt, strands of hair hanging loose. It seems this is my chance to do a little bit better than I am normally permitted. But I do know one thing ... it's going to be a long night.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Contest!

My first ever contest. Let's see how this one goes.

My blog doesn't have a slogan. It desperately needs one. So please leave your ideas in the comments. I'll run a poll and the winner will be adopted.

The winner gets to see that slogan every time s/he checks in here on the masthead. PLUS...I'll take a pic of me holding a sign with that slogan on it, written in girlish design, dressed "appropriately" in a public place. And post it. I'll collect ideas until the end of August.

Not for flying

It's been a bit muggy around here lately, perfect pool weather. Well, for a girl like me that usually means lounging in my rhinestone-encrusted sunglasses, working on my tan while listening to bubble gum pop music. Master has an in-ground swimming pool, and likes to have me around as an ornament.

Well, the other day, it was really warm. I was in my cute white tankini with this little pink and red hibiscus on the red breast, and I had just finished the article I was reading. Without a thought, I slipped in to the pool and swam a few laps. I climbed out to towel off, water dripping on my hot pink toenails, and looked up to see Master looking at me.

"You're quite the swimmer."

Well, I'm not much of an athlete, but I had good instructors and can cut a decent line in the water, so I smiled, and shrugged as I've been taught. "Yah, I'm okay."

I thought that was the end of it. I should've known better. Aside from any skills needed for cheerleading, I'm to be an absolute klutz. Keeps the cute athletes from feeling threatened. So yesterday, Master told me he had a gift for me. I took it and opened it up...

Water wings.

Since I was too graceful in water, anytime I go swimming for the rest of the summer I have to inflate these stupid little things and tug them on my arms. It's so humbling, so humiliating...I'm such a ditz I can't even not drown myself?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Hiatus

I'm exhausted, and real life is interfering. This blog will be on hiatus for about two weeks. Back then, hopefully.

I have a large an unwieldy story I'm trying to get ready for you, but it's about 2/5 of where I want it to be.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dress codes

Of course, back to school shopping is upon us, which leads to a new thought -- school dress codes. As a guy, as long as you were wearing clothing, dress codes weren't an issue. Unless you liked walking around school in your underwear for some reason, it didn't apply. But not if you're a girl. No, as much as all those stupid dorky teachers want you to be covered up, you want to show your assets.

So Master gave me a dress code from some middle school here in Oklahoma (or is it Oregon? Maybe Rhode Island?). And what I had to do was come up with three outfits that were as flirty as possible without violating it. I posed in each outfit, front and back, sitting and standing, and Master said he was going to forward the pics to someone he knew who is a teacher. He "might" cover my face first. This person is going to write back and tell me if I obeyed the code or not.

So here I was living a dilemma common to that of any girl "like me". How short is too short? How long is too long? Can I "get away" with this miniskirt? Or that top?

Now, chances are he doesn't have a teacher friend and is going to evaluate the photos. However, he tells me that any outfit deemed too risque for school will have to be enjoyed somewhere else, in public. Apparently, anything too flirty for his little exercise will be enjoyed by beachgoers. I'm hoping I did well on this one!!!!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

It doesn't wooooork

Of course, girls like me are technically helpless. I mean, as long as we can text and go on our fave fan websites, we're fun. Setting up a new keyboard? Hopeless...not least of all because it's hard to get into those tiny ports with our nails.

So when Master came home with the webcam, and asked me to set it up, I knew what he wanted. Sure enough, half an hour later, I was completely confused, had managed to unplug the monitor, and somehow tie my legs together with one of the cables for good measure. "Master, I need your heeeeelp"....

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Boy, is the Internet useful!

In the story on which I'm working, the spiral of feminization starts with putting nail polish on the victim's nails while he's asleep (or is he?) Thanks to the Internet, there's plenty of help if that's what someone wants to do. For example, there are plenty of videos showing by example -- look here, here, and here, for starters. Best of all, one of them was a "featured video" on YouTube! Look here for a victim who's awake and unhappy. Of course, the delight of the prank is that unlike makeup or clothing, it's very noticeable, being bright colors at one's fingertips, and even better irreversible without remover! The guy has no choice but to be a good little one in order to undo this shame.

Even more hilarious, though, is the fact that wikihow even provides step-by-step instructions -- as well as a supply list -- for painting a guy's nails while he sleeps! Do you think guys out there want this to happen? There are helpful tidbits, including the caution not to have any remover around, and the ominous "you must take pictures of his painted nails using a camera or cellphone for future use!"