Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The night that was

Two questions sentences stand out:
"Want a candy little girl?" and
"What would you wear on a first date with a cute boy?"

See, I was very lucky to have somebody incredible (who I won't name because I don't know if she wants to be inundated with begging subs) helping me this year. By phone and email, she wrote a series of assignments I had to do in costume. I'd arrive at the place and open the email as she listened. I'd hang up, complete the assignment, and report.

Thus did I ask for makeup tips at a pharmacy, buy a pink notebook at Staples, and grab a nutritional chart at McDonald's (cashier told me I looked fresh in my outfit). The pharmacist told me I was doing fine the way I was dressed, and the guy at Staples tried so hard to pretend nothing was wrong.

As a finale, she had me walk into a quiet baseball diamond and earn my supper by answering questions, such as the five top celebrities, or what I would wear on such a date. For doing math too well, I wasn't allowed to eat at one point. The conversation ended with my accepting that I am her puppet, to do as she tells me. Very exciting -- something I've dreamed about for a while.

Sadly, she had to go, so I employed an old strategy. I stopped outside a different McDonald's and called...the set-up. Told her that some guy would be coming in ridiculous outfit, embarrass him, etc. So I did. I walked in, and the cashier, a woman in her late 20s dressed, would you believe it, in a clown costume, greeted me with a braying laugh, followed by the question "do you want a candy, little girl?" Her colleagues crowded around. One demanded a picture, when I said yes, she had me pose. They asked about my glued on nails, and whether I was wearing a thong to match the bra. Perfect. The best part were the two girls probably seniors in high school who were behind me in line watching, dressed in "I hate everything"costumes -- black hooded sweatshirts, white makeup, and scowls. I was a cuter girl than either of them. I nearly floated out of there.

In out last bit of chutzpah, I stopped at a park known as a gay pickup spot. I posed in the lights, balloons in hand, for several minutes. I don't know what I wanted to happen -- I was just high on adrenaline. The only thing that happened is got very cold very quickly, and got back in to head home.

Every Halloween is a bit better than the last. No, I didn't end up surrounded by college girls mocking me (though McDonald's was close) or have my first real kiss. But it was great, and there's a special someone who made it awesome. Thank you.


  1. Wow! What a tale, and exceptionally well-done to your associate for making you earn your meal! A brilliant idea!

    I can only hope your Halloweens keep escalating at this rate! Just imagine where that would end up!

  2. OMG...what a time!

  3. Wow that sounds brilliant, Ashlee. I know how much you love Halloween and how long you've wanted a partner in crime to give you orders. It must have been wonderful for you.

    Also, I read the headlines today that some girl said she had Bieber's baby. You must be so heartbroken hunny. I hope Master isn't making you spend too long in your room crying. And black is like totally not your colour anyway!