Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Happy Holidays!

This blog will likely go dark until 2012, as the season is upon us...all the best to everyone.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Posture practice

Sure, I slouch and shamble like any good teenager, but sometimes Master wants me to have good posture. For that, he designed the posture hat. Not the painful, uncomfortable thing you may be thinking...

"'re thinking. Take a look at it," Master said.

It had a chin strap, and nothing else except a weird grid with sharp pins sticking upward, and a round platform in the middle. Master put it on my head, buckling the strap underneath...the pins angled inward toward the platform on my head.


"Oh, I forgot the best part....this!"

A water balloon. It was clear..if I tilted my head too much, the water balloon would roll off the platform, pop on the pins, and get me wet. Clever, I guess.

For some reason, Master insisted on practice in the backyard. Back, forth, back, forth...I was getting pretty good. And then it happened.

I felt the water on my shoulders and in my hair, ruining the plain shirt he'd had me wear. I looked down, wondering if the whole point had been to show off my bra. And saw something unexpected.

Pools of glitter. I looked at Master. "Yep, I dumped a lot of glitter in that water. Good luck getting that out of your hair before the next meeting...I told you to take it seriously. Now don't track that crap in the house..."

Perhaps better posture next time will keep me from getting hosed down in the lawn.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The right wrong answer

Something ominous is happening. Thus far, Master has been happy with me getting things wrong. "What's 8 X 7?" Any answer other than 56 would make him happy. So, I could just think "okay, the answer is 56, so I'll say something else..." and be done with it.

Not any more.

I'm learning right wrong answers. The correct answer to "8 X 7" isn't 56, but it's not 52 or 57 either. It's 54. Anything other than that is wrong. What is happening in everything from spelling to math is that I'm not avoiding the right answer, I'm learning the wrong one. Which could be a problem....

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Initiation Ideas

Oddly enough, one of the more common search strings that lands (surprised) people here are initiations. With that in mind, Master concluded it would be a good idea to offer some suggestions for "victims" who are girls like me. So, here they are:

  1. The new victim must respond to a new name and must ignore the old one. She will introduce herself with that name too. It can be anywhere on the scale of meanness from something sounding really old "Pearl" to slightly silly "Giggles" to self-depreciating "Flirtaholic".
  2. The new victim must do makeup oddly and pretend that it's on purpose. Lipstick only on one lip, eye shadow only on one eye. Eighties makeup noone wears anymore.
  3. Weird clothing of course. If you don't want it obvious, be subtle. A pacifier hanging from a necklace, or having to dress head-to-toe in one color.
  4. A bell or two tied to clothing or jewelry to announce her movements.
  5. The classic weird lunch. Baloney and mayonnaise sandwich, tomato and mustard soup, etc.
  6. Classic combo. Water then flour. Then something like m&ms....dries nice.

Of course, those are only a few, and there are so many others out there. I found some others I like around the web too:

  • "We had to pop 4 water balloons on our heads that had glitter water in them" Glitter for days...awesome.
  • "We got plates full of whip cream with skittles in it and we had to get all the skittles out but they put a spoon full of baby food in the middle of it!"