Friday, July 27, 2012

Learned awkwardness

I don't know how he's done it, but Master has taught some real awkwardness in certain situations.  I don't go snorkeling that often, so it doesn't come up then, but...

Every time I start to eat a popsicle or a banana, I blush.  And look around.  I can't help it.  Perhaps it's all the laughing he does whenever I do it, but I feel so self-conscious every time!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

300

Three hundred posts!   Thanks for all the commenters, for your support and encouragement.  And ideas.


I won't try to be bitter how much faster my caption blog is acquiring views than this one did, but deep down this blog is more fun.  Shh....

I just hope I can find enough material to make it to 500.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Mandatory wear

In these hot, hot days of summer, there's a new type of mandatory wear, it seems.  Since "girls like me" love to spend time at the beach or on the pool, I'm imitating them by spending a lot of time wandering around with the top of a two-piece on under my top.   Apparently this shows off my glamorous popular lifestyle, when even in summer skool I am ready to go swimming at a moment's notice.

The slight irritation of the tie is a constant reminder of this new indignity, and is just messing up my tanlines horribly....

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Summah Skool

So you might be wondering what summer school is like for me.  It's tough to describe the whole experience, but I'll give you the example of a math test.  Of course, I must have the "proper" wrong answers as detailed earlier, but that's not enough.

For a test, I'm sat at a table with the test paper, a clock, and a camera facing me.  And answering the problems is only half the test.  For instance, here are the instructions for a recent math test which I failed, of course...

"At the end of every row, check your hair and redo your lip gloss."
"At the end of the third row, erase all your answers and start over."
"Do no more than one problem a minute."
"Constantly play with your hair."
"Have the eraser partially chewed by the end of the test."
"Take off your bracelets, neatly stack them, and then put them back on a minute later.  Do this three times."
"Write a graffiti version of the sentence I -heart- Harry Sty les on the back of this test."
"Color in every zero."

And so on.  This is how a 20-question test takes me like 45 minutes!!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Paranoia

I swear Master does this on purpose.   I spend half my time online as the fake (male) me paranoically checking to make sure that I'm not sending an email from a girlie address, or commenting on something with my girlie disqus login, or the other dozen "real" identities I have online.   Like this one.   I hope I never slip...

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Song

Dug this up from some personal archives...my alternate lyrics for the song "B-tch" by Meredith Brooks.   For you young 'uns, look it up on the YouTube.   It's not a bad tune.

i failed my math test today
i try so hard but then i flunk it anyway
i was dreaming bout that sweetie there in front
and how much i so want him
and be his only girl...

i don't listen in my class
in english and lit i always come in last
but the boys here are so sweet and oh so hot
i want them all a lot

i'm only just as useful as
any airhead girl


 
Refrain:
i'm a ditz i'm an airhead
don't you listen to what i said
i'm a giggly little teen
just wanting to be seen
i don't know i don't think
my fave color is hot pink
and boys are my whole life, i'm too dumb for any school


 i only use short words,
i think newts are bugs and antelopes are birds
i'll never be somebody's lifeline for advice
or any decent help at all.

Better call another girl
Just let me kiss you through the night


REFRAIN

i failed first grade
couldn't paste,couldn't cut
the boy next to me did all my stuff

that's always it
i'm helpless without boys
i never get enough


REFRAIN

some girls think that i'm a fool
but all the boys say i'm really cool

i'm so dumb i'm so spacey
my tops are cute and they're lacey
i'm only good
as a fun toy
for one cute and yummy boy
at least i'll always have cheering

Friday, July 6, 2012

Who I should be

Master had me watch some videos from this squad called "omygirl".  If you google that and watch in on YouTube, you will see exactly who I should be fitting in with, right between "Laffy" and "Ditzy" -- I swear that's the name she uses!!

Monday, July 2, 2012

If you want to be cool...

...you should check out the caption site I'm co-building with Crow at Not2Brite Captions -- that's http://not2britecaps.blogspot.com   Leave comments and guidance and requests!