Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Glug

So I had another...experience today.  (Back to fiction, alas....)

Master had dressed me in a typically cute outfit...black short shorts over pink neon leggings, and a red abercrombie top with a black vest from North Face partially zipped.  Usual stuff, with a couple necklaces and bracelets completing the outfit.

I was placed at a pole in the parking lot of a restaurant that would open in an hour.  I was told my job was eaasy...the combination lock of the chain keeping me there was written on a piece of paper...just read it and I could let myself free and save some embarrassment.

The paper was taped heavily onto a thermos...basically, I had to drink all the blue liquid in it in a hurry to find the combination so I could get out.  Master saw the look in my eyes, and he could tell I was thinking what you are thinking.  "No, it's not that....I wouldn't do that to you."

And no, the contents did not taste salty as I slurped them down.  It did taste....heavy though.   Not heavy but more....it's tough to describe.  Enough that I couldn't chug it through the straw, and it was a good 20 nerve-wracking minutes as I stood there with my sparkly eye shadow and gulped the contents down.  Yes, the nail extensions gave me trouble, but I eventually unlocked the combination at 14-32-31.

I walked across the parking lot into my car, flip-flops slapping all the way, shivering in the November cold, and drove home.

It would be a while before I learned I had sucked down two cups worth of Master's spit that day.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Listening

So...you might be wondering what I listen to on the radio.  Aside from every One Dimen sion song I can find of course!  Well, Master has satellite radio, and has several stations from which I am expected to choose.  Radio Disney is obviously on the list, but a lot of pop stuff is on there as well, always in the background.  And every week Master flips to each station in turn, and I listen for ten seconds.  If I do not identify the song and artist correctly, I lose ten points.

If I lose thirty points in an afternoon, I have to do some remedial listening.  Walking a mile while the "appropriate" music plays on my iPod around 8pm.  In a neighborhood of his choosing. 

Wearing one of my One Direction shirts.

Friday, November 1, 2013

My halloween

So you might be wondering how it went last night.  I set out in my Cheshire Cat costume looking for some mischief.  And I found it.  The following is all true.  Not as amazing as some people feel every day, but darn special for me.

The costume was as shown in the illustration of somebody definitely not me.  I added some purple and pink eye shadow, purple lipstick, and drawn-on whiskers.  Fake nails with glow-in-the-dark glittery pink nail polish. I had a blonde wig with twin ponytails held together with pink ribbons.  I also wore 2 inch heels with a rather narrow base, and the whole thing was hosed down in cotton candy perfume.  My belongings (makeup, gum, furry pink wallet, keys) were in a purple sequined purse with handles that meant it had to be hand-carried.  Between the smile and the purse, my hands were pretty full.  There was one final accessory that I shall mention later.


To begin with, I decided to complete my costume at a couple pet stores.  I entered one and was greeted by a woman in her early-thirties with various flesh wound makeup on her face who guided me to the collars.  I selected one and brought it to the counter with her, nearly breaking an ankle on my first mis-step in the heels.  I did timidly explain that this costume was not mine, no, but the consequence of betting on the [hated rival] to outperform the [local team] in [sport].  The cashier was cheerful and amused, and off I went.

At pet store number two for the leash, I found it on my own, and was greeted by a drily humorous older lady who told me that she "was dressed as a PetSmart employee" for Halloween.  The highlight (aside from scrabbling around to find enough cash for the purchase and cling to it with my nails) was when she asked me if the leash was "for you or your date".  I did tell her it was for me.

Then I took an extended drive to a local community college.  I drove the campus and was pleased to see about half the students in some sort of costume -- often a minidress and devil horns for the girls, and a basketball jersey for the guys.  Close enough.  So I found the student union, which had a Dunkin' Donuts inside.  I decided I would buy some milk.  After a walk.

And thus began probably the gutsiest thing I've ever done.  In full costume (with fake glasses that reduce my vision notably), I walked about 3/4 of a mile in either direction.  Yes, it was dark, but I got four wolf whistles total.  I think I should have gotten a 9.6 at least from an amazing recovery from simultaneous twisted ankles from my shoes that I nevertheless survived on my feet.

I got a couple shouted comments and horn honks from cars driving past.  Groups silenced as I walked past.  Some might have smiled, but I couldn't tell without my glasses.  Two girls I am pretty sure crossed the street to avoid having to get too close.  One group I had to pass offered these comments from guys "Oh god yes", "This is too real for me" and "Me likey"...and an exasperated girl "god, you guys, it's a Cheshire cat!"  I eloquently responded with silence as my heart was pounding.

I finally made it into the DD and went to the counter with my bottled milk.  And there I did something else I've never done.  I told the truth.  The cahsier, a cute college girl with a pair of fairy wings said "Oooh, that's cute."  I thanked her and admitted I'd "had help"...we had a short chat about how dressy it was, and she wished me a good night.

On the walk back, more hoots and hollers...I had more confidence now but never got the chance to engage before I landed in my car.   I had been on display for dozens of college kids, absolutely ridiculous and helpless.  It was exhilarating.

----


One last encounter on the way home.  I did stop by Hooters but it was packed and I decided not to go in.  But I did find an Applebee's that was on the verge of closing.  I decided to wait until most people had cleared out, and walked in.  The conversation went like this:

Smiling girl dressed as a pirate girl: "Hello.  Seating for one?"  [Already messing with me...a good sign!]
Me: "Uh, no.  I just need an application for waitress.  I'm paying off a bet."
Her: "Sorry, those are all online.  I don't have any..."
Me: "Uh...well...can I get some proof I was here?"
She hands me a business card, and I turn to go.  At that time, two things happen.  One is a colleague dressed as a sexy schoolgirl appears and leans on her laughing.  The second is that I hear velcro rip.

See, all throughout the night hanging from my tail was a final accessory -- a folded over sign that read on the outside "STEAL MY TAIL and I will..." and on the inside of the car "...meow...pose...crawl...sing...kiss..or anything else you ask.  If I do not text xxx-xxx-xxxx and I will be in lots of trouble"  The first cashier had shown interest, and I explained what it was, and that I wore it as a deal in exchange for not having to shave my body hair.  I offered the same explanation this time.

Her: "Well, look at this!"  She reads the card aloud to her friend.  "So this means you're in trouble now?"
Me: "Well, if I don't come back with the tail.  I will be.  They won't even let me back in the apartment."
Her: "So..."
Me: "So...well, what do I have to do for you to give it back to me?"
At this she and her friend smiled, and read over the note.  I had waited for this for years. 
Her: "Well, give me your best meow."
Me: "Mmmeow"
Her:  "No, something more fierce than that.  With a claw."
Me (feeling wonderfully ridiculous) "mmeeeeow!  rawr!" making pawing motions with both hands.  I was under her control.
Her: "Hm...let's see...what else...oh, give me a pose."
I try a couple poses, hands on hips, jutting out a hip, etc., before she has me stretch across the table.  I will admit I was sad not to be photographed, but so be it.
Her: "Okay, that was great.  Here's your tail...but you have to wave on the way out.  Can you do a Miss America wave?  I'll wave you out."
And darn if I didn't have to wave as I walked outside and along the building as she paced from the inside.  A couple confused customers got the wave as well as two ruffians smoking around the corner.  Lucky I didn't get beat up for  that one.  I made it to the car, and wow what a night.

So it just keeps getting better.  Not as a good as the experience for many of you, but pretty awesome nonetheless.  Hope you enjoyed the memories of Halloween 2013!