Sunday, October 23, 2016

Thank you and good-bye

This is the 437th and last post of this blog.  I started this blog over seven years ago to tell a story.  The story of my fantasy life, of being subject (with my permission) to clever, insidious constraints on my behavior that would push toward the stereotypical behavior of a girl.   I learned long ago that I cannot write fiction with any length as I don't have the patience to include necessary details, so this blog was launched to provide ongoing short fiction of that vein.

Some posts have been successful, some not as much.  I have been contacted by an occasional person who used some of my ideas on themselves, or on a person they were in relationship with who had similar interests.  This blog also was the way that I heard from a couple people who had varying levels of interest in having me play out those ideas.  Sure, there was a hope that someone could see these stories as the basis of contacting me to really get into this lifestyle, but it never happened.  There were a couple abortive attempts to start something, but a lot of people chickened out.  Fact is, unless this is very thin window dressing for homosexual behavior, most people aren't interested. (It always confused me to contact people who called themselves cross-dressers but wanted to be naked all the time.  It's no problem that you're gay or bisexual, accept it.)   At times, I detailed some real-life experiences, particularly on Halloween.  I loved the ridiculous, needlessly elaborate and quietly degrading costumes available at the time.  For years, I'd go out in public in costume.

Well, it says something I'm not dressing up for Halloween this year.  I've aged out of being able to live this fantasy with any shadow of plausibility.  I'm even too old to credibly claim my social circle makes some of these wagers.   My professional and personal lives are less and less compatible.   I haven't posted here for months.

Most blogs die quietly, without an end.   Something in me doesn't want that to happen.  The phase of my life that this blog represents and aspired to is at its end, so this blog is, too.  I've met some wonderful people, read some thrilling writing in the occasional comment.  Some good memories will push me to keep this blog up for now.  I'm still alive; that email address still works.  But these are my last words here.

I'll finish with this.  It amuses me to remember of the number of stories I read with the same plot -- boy dresses as a girl, evidence is procured, and threats to put it online compels him to go deeper into that hole under the guidance of his tormentor.  Today?  Plenty of guys are pursuing gender fluidity, and even those that crossdress on a dare or as a joke put it online.  Fortunate are so many children dealing with what I dealt with as a child -- our world is more accepting.  I hope it keeps embracing all, more so by the day.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Punishment hairbands

The other day, Master had me do something that didn't make sense.  He sat me down with some fuzzy children's toys, a couple of my headbands and a tiara, a craft knife, and a couple bottle of superglue.

Strange....he had me cut the little toys up into small patches and superglue them underneath the headbands.   And similarly with the combs of the tiara.   I figured it was just a way to emphasize how useless I am with my longer nails.   When they were all done, he told me I had made some "punishment headbands" which made no sense.

Until her showed me this article.   And this one.   Turns out these toys are Bunch'ems, and can get horribly caught in hair, and take an hour, two hours to disentangle.  Imagine Satan got ahold of velcro.

So from now on, if I'm bad, I can almost have a headband or tiara glued to my male hair.   Punishing me with stuff I made myself. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

"But we're best friends"

Ugh.   A new lipsync to do.

Having to dance and sing along with a song about all the boys hitting on me, how horrible.  And the obliviousness in the singer just makes it worse...   I just hope he doesn't upload to YouTube...

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Half a loaf, or how to fake domming

The old maxim goes "better half a loaf is better than none". In other words, better to get some of what you want rather than nothing at all. Along with an adequate ability to keep perspective in life, it's a good way to get by. So I bring it up today because in the world would-be submissives are far more common than domm/es. Those who prefer to dominate have their pick, and can afford to demand near bespoke scenarios, leaving any of us with unusual or narrow tastes on our own. The solution, as I've mooted before, is to me obvious: a collaborative situation where people take turns dommeing. Find a story frame where you can be the horny coed and I can be the desperate house wife, and take turns. I domme you as the fraternity brother, and you domme me as the police officer, or whatever is your fantasy. And when I propose this, I hear the same thing: "ooohh, I'm really subbie." And frankly, so am I. But there's a solution for that: faking it. Below you will find some of my tips for fake dominating so you can establish that great rapport and help someone's fantasy so you can enjoy yours: 1 - Listen. Most every submissive knows what they want, often in deep detail. If given a chance, they may give you almost a script to follow. Here's the deal -- *follow that script*. If there is a place for improvisation, try it. However, if they say "I really want to get a tattoo on my lower back I can't see" then you're an ass if you don't include a scene like that. You don't know what's important to someone, so hit their request list from a to z. This also means to listen while playing. If they ask twice "you aren't going to dye my hair, are you?" then dye the damn hair. Now, maybe you were going to, but they're being impatient. Tell them they'll get their turn. If you get one word answers, chances are what you're doing isn't working. But that's okay -- there's a solution for that, too. The solution is to... 2 - Ask questions. Beforehand. Ask open-ended questions. "What is your character like?" "What is your favorite situation?" "Do you have anything unusual that really gets you excited?" Subs can be embarrassed or inarticulate. If you want to do them right, you need to ask them questions, preferably open-ended. This includes during your play. IF you're not asking every thirty minutes if things are good, you're letting them down. If they seem uninterested, ask why. Your fun will be as good as you make theirs. 3 - Watch what they do. Sometimes it feels like things are strangely off-track. You didn't ask to be insulted, and they're calling you slut every other line. Not what you wanted. Chances are this well-meaning person likes this, and figures you will, too. If something appears to be coming out of left-field, it's because they are trying hard, and going into their own storeroom. Don't make the mistake of dismissing it. When it's your turn, do what they did to you that you didn't request. They're probably trying to give you what they want, filling in any spaces with their own imagination. Without directly copying it, perhaps you could give it back to them? 4 - Do to them what you'd want done to you in that situation. Plumb out of ideas? No way to get started? Well, imagine that you are in that situation, at least the parts that you would like. Maybe you don't "get" the beauty salon thing (which I don't...), but you do get bdsm. Well start off by cuffing her to the beauty salon chair. If she doesn't want that hopefully she'll tell you. Frame the action, and let her fill in the details. If you've worked out a rapport that lets you and her ask questions, she'll help you bring her to where she wants to be. 5 - Be patient but confident. You're out of your typical style. Give yourself time, as you're giving the partner time to get used to it, right? But no matter what, chances are your best line is better than nothing. The number of decent roleplays I've had suddenly stop when someone says "I don't know what to do I'm sorry :/" and then log off is amazing. Let's be honest -- a sucky roleplay is usually better than staring at a blank screen. Remember, half a loaf is better than none.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016


After Halloween, to my way of thinking, the next couples of weeks may be the most socially acceptable time to crossdress.  Why?

For my foreign readers, a popular form of entertainment in the US is "Fantasy football", an exercise that I hear is taking root elsewhere in the globe.  Players choose a lineup of athletes, and earn points based on those athletes' endeavors.  Part of the lore, as well, is the increasing prominence of forfeits, penalties, for the loser.

I have an idea that I'd like to implement, something not far off activities done before but would need some help.  This person would merely need to place a phone call on my behalf, and add some of their own ideas.   If interested, comment below so I may reach you, or use the email on this site.  I'm hoping to carry this out by Tuesday the 16th.

Now that I'm on my own again, I need to make things happen.   This is how.....

Saturday, February 6, 2016

A return to normal

I remember a while ago there was a blog out there where the writer posted about all the humiliation his master forced on him.  The subject was invariably wearing too much makeup, lots of pink, and wetting himself, and alone in the photo.  After months, maybe years, of posts, he finally admitted that he'd made the whole thing up.

Why mention that?  Well, a while ago you started seeing some posts from a gentleman who had gotten involved with this blog and with me.  He and I wrote about some entertainment I provided during a couple video chats, dressing as instructed and performing little games and tasks for him.

Perhaps you were skeptical.  I don't blame you.  If you want proof, I certainly won't share any that I have.  This gentleman was wonderful, pushing me to humiliate myself in a number of ways and openly laughing at me as I fussed with hair, distractions, and painful heels.   Unfortunately, that phase seems to have ended, or at least been suspended.

Why mention this?  Well, the blog will go back to the way it had been before, say, October.  I have full and exclusive ownership of the blog.  Logs of play dates with this gentleman will no longer be posted.  Perhaps someone else will be interested in that role, but I am realistic enough to know there's a small chance of that took years to find someone intelligent, creative, and trustworthy enough to get to this phase with me.

I offer my thanks to the sir for all the fun and excitement he provided me.  At one point, I was looking at a reversible bracelet, that on one side says SINGLE and the other, TAKEN.  I was genuinely wondering which said to wear, and playing through all the impacts it could have on our conversation.  Having to go through the stunts I was expected to do, fulfilling my role, was wonderful.  I don't know where this blog will go from here, but it was great while it lasted.  To him, my gratitude.  To my audience....I'm just glad you're still with me.  More content to come!

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Hard work

So, I had to work extra hard today.   See, it snowed recently, and Master said I needed to stop sitting around texting friends, and start doing my part.  I had to shovel the deck from some recent snow.

Inline image 1No big deal, right?   I put on my nice puffy jacket and boots, and went out there.  The jacket is of course white, wit ha grey fur-lined hood, and stops at my waist.  Along with my skinny jeans and white gloves, it definitely screamed lil snow bunny.  No way I was gonna blend in.
But it go worse...this is what I was given:

The one on the left, naturally.   So short, so flimsy!  The shovel barely handled any snow.   It made the job really slow... "hurry up princess!" I must have heard like three times.  And then the wind kept blowing the snow BACK on to the deck, and I must've reshovled some of the snow two or three times!  With the wind blowing my hair around too, I started to feel completely useless out there!   It's almost as if he's trying to make me bad at this sort of stuff!

Wednesday, January 20, 2016


As part of the ongoing work of behaving "properly", Master has come up with a system to make sure I am in the proper emotional state at all times. He's using a system of carefully calibrating pieces of technology that will tell him precisely what my feelings are at any point.

 As if.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

My time at the carnival

So, you're probably wondering how carnival went. I guess I have to tell you. I was all excited to begin. I was in a cute sunny yellow skirt over black leggings and a dark orange tank that said LOVE BOYS in huge letters, like those PINK tank tops. A necklace and a bracelet that said "in a relationship" to hold off any boys hitting on me finished it out. And cuz Mr. Strauss likes my heels I wore them. Well, Mr. Strauss knows how much I lahv balloons, and it is a carnival, so pretty soon I had two orange balloons tied, one to each wrist. Soon after that there were two pink ones tied to the base of my ponytails, which bounced in my face a lot...but it would get trickier. We started by playing dizzy bat, what he called "dizzy ditzy". When he said, I had to spin around my forehead on a baseball bat for twenty seconds. I know he loved watching my stumble around after that, especially in my heels (my calves were KILLING me!) The last time I literally walked into the wall. Then Mr. Strauss did something kinda mean. He said since I loved balloons so much, I should tie my bangs. Now I had this yellow balloon bobbing in front of my face, and I could kinda puff some air to blow it away for a sec, but it would just come back. So between dizzy ditz and the balloon, I was SO bad at ring toss! I had to write some lines because I was so bad. But the stupid balloons kept getting my way...the balloons would get in one eye then float to the other. Had to keep tilting my head around to see. If he had given me another balloon I would have been almost blind! I admit I kinda had a little moment, almost a tantrum, because I was doing so badly. He let me stop trying though. It was just too hard! Then. Oh, I shouldn't even tell you. With Master's directive, I had a pie. Orange jello topped with whipped cream. And when he said go, I had to do a pie-eating contest for three minutes. No hands of course. Twenty-four hours later, I can still smell the whipped cream jammed up my nose. And that's when sitting there, on camera, jello and whipped cream all over my face -- he dumped me! Yeah! It was so sad....I'm not even sure what's next. And the bracelet that said "in a relationship"...the inside says "it's complicated" and that's the side that's showing now.

Friday, January 8, 2016


So guess what? No guess again! Okay I'll tell you. I have a date soon with Mr. Strauss. Well, it's a date but not like a date date. I mean he's taking me to the carnival. But it's February. Wait, let me start over. My Master is taking me on a date. I don't know what carnival yet, but I do know there are prizes and games! I don't really know a lot about it, but I am gonna be at home and he is at home and we'll be playing games online an stuff. But since it's a video date the hardest part is the video. What am I gonna wear? I mean, it has to be cute and flirty but not slutty. It should be fun but not like you know. A skirt? Or cute jeans? Which top? Accessories? Hopefully my date will help me decide. Being his girl is so hard...but I can't wait!!!!!!

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Thanks Santa 5/5

Thanks for the book!  I dont like reading its too hard but this book liiks good.  I could like taeach this class I bet lol1   I can only read like one chapter tho before my head starts hurting.    I hope there are more like it next year....

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Thank you Santa 4/5

Santa, I really like those pants they are so comfy.  I luv hanging out in them.  They r too casual for tha mall but still.  I think maybe I could wear them like camping if theres a cute boy there?  It is who I am !